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| Dr Reavis, Mr. White Blood Cell, and Randy |
Sigh, well...before I get moving on anymore blog posts, I would like to address the elephant in the room that everyone keeps asking me about. Yes, I did catch a slight case of cancer, and it has changed my perspective on things a bit. So I will cover all the details from how I got cancer, what it meant, and how it has effected my development and the company.
How I Got Cancer
When I was born, there was just barely a glimpse of understanding on how genetics worked. Basically if a parent had a third arm, had a kid and it had three arms, the doctor would exclaim, "Well that third arm came from his fathers side of the family, so having three arms is genetic in this boys case!" That was the extent of their knowledge since DNA sequencing was a ways off.
So I inherited a cancer called retinoblastoma which now is the name of the very same gene that everyone has that is known as the tumor suppressor gene. So this caused me to have cancer of my eye, which they promptly removed and did radiation treatment on me.
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| Official Medical Eye Removal Tool |
Unfortunately, 6 months later, the cancer came back in my other eye. So in an effort to try and save that eye, the doctors did radiation, cryo, and lasers which did save my eye and killed the cancer. However, like DNA, they also didn't understand the ramifications of radiation on DNA too well back then. In particular, they didn't understand that giving radiation to someone that is genetically predisposed to cancer just increases the chance of getting cancer.
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| Proton Radiation - Photo from MD Anderson |
Fast forward several decades > So while wearing my COVID mask one day, I sneezed and filled the entire thing with blood instantly. Obviously, I knew this wasn't normal, and my brother had nasal cancer from radiation therapy as a child for the exact condition just 10 years earlier. So I had a notion to skip the line of general practitioners and go straight to the expert, Dr. Reavis an ear, nose and throat specialist. When they looked in my nose they saw bad stuff. So on July 19th, 2022 they cut it out and biopsied it. It came back as leiomyosarcoma. Which if you look up the prognosis is very scary. Fortunately for me, my brother had already went through all this with the exact same cancer, which gave me a lot of hope because he is still alive.
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| The bad thing living in my nostril |
This was a result of the radiation that I was given as a kid to kill the first two times I had cancer. So to make a long story short, they cut that out, and my maxillary sinus wall for good measure. So my cheek sinus and my right nostril are all one room now. So I can smuggle cocaine condoms in my face now when I go on trips. Very lucrative.
Perspective on Life
I'm not going to lie, no matter how much you think you're prepared for it, when the doctor uses the 'C' word on you, there is a wave of fear that washes over you that can't be described. It has definitely made me stop and look at things and take in the details that I normally wouldn't have noticed. It hasn't slowed me down from working, but it has made me far more conscientious of how much time I put into work versus how much time I use to do things that "I" want to do and that make me happy. Unfortunately, to get more time to do the things I want, I need to be successful so I have the time and the money to do what I want. This is a hard balance when someone presents you with cancer, and you don't know if you have a year to enjoy what you can, or if you have 10 years and you can work like a crazy person so you can be free for the last 7 years. In retrospect, I am happy with what I have accomplished in my life to this point, but I want to finish what I started and nothing including cancer is going to stop me.
Perspective on Game Development
Every now and then we become immortal in our own heads, not really contemplating death. Because of this, we become complacent and numb; think we will always have time to finish what we want. Then once in a while something comes along and shocks you awake to how finite life is and how little time you really have. Cancer is good at doing that to you.
So as a result of my new outlook, I am more hell bent than ever to put out a good game. Maybe as a legacy, or maybe just because I want to give a shitload of people happiness and joy for a short period of time while they play. In any case, now I am super motivated.
How I Fought it Off
I am going to probably make some videos and separate blogs about this. To make it short for now, when I was diagnosed I instantly went into college research mode. Digging up any and all credible information about that type of cancer, and what you can do to stop it. Well, in the end, I am cancer free, so I think what I did may have played a part. I will break that down later. For now, I am tired of talking about cancer. I killed that shit, and it is over! Now it is time to make some games! Yea!
So that will be enough about cancer...let's talk about making games.
